Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Like Leeloo

Posted in Love, self discovery, Uncategorized on September 14, 2017 by La Femme

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I feel like Leeloo.

Not that I’m a hot as hell, supreme being, bad ass. Although I would say that I am fierce, strong, not always great at English… LOL

I would die to protect life.

I would die to protect love.

But how do we protect something that we do not know.

I am strong. I am fierce. But without love, I will falter. I am not strong enough on my own to survive the ultimate battle.

Leeloo says: ” I don’t know love. I was built to protect not to love, so there is no use for me other than this.”

In this life is there truly no other use for me than to protect my children? Maybe.

Maybe.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me.”  https://open.spotify.com/track/2KVwlelhxKUy8LVV6JypH3

 

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Really

Posted in people, Reality, Uncategorized on July 20, 2017 by La Femme

This thing on?  Even when I pose a question I all I get is crickets. My ex used to laugh, because I knew how many reads I had, and maybe I should just never look at the stats. But it’s nice to know that people are actually out there… somewhere. You can comment though, I don’t bite… usually.

 

I have started rehearsals for our third run of Rocky Horror and I am trying to finish up my Summer II classes. I shouldn’t have taken both of these classes. My special topics class isn’t bad, but this Design Management class is probably going to kill me. I AM NOT BUSINESS MINDED…. LIKE AT ALL. And my professor was supposed to email and help me 3 days ago and I still haven’t heard anything. 😦

Also, this song is all the things I would like to say

“But I know that it’s my emotions going in for the kill.”

Posted in amends, Reality, relationships, Uncategorized on July 18, 2017 by La Femme

I have been a little gun-shy about writing here. The truth is… I hurt someone who I love dearly with this little, inconsequential blog. So now I’m scared. Scared to write. Scared to express all the stuff I keep stuffed inside. Because I don’t want to hurt people with my words.

Listening to Halsey’s Now or Never today I got to thinking of the one and only time I have made that statement (at least in the context in which she means).  It was in college, but not with someone from college. The answer, it turns out, was never. But that song got me thinking… is that really ever a question/statement that needs to be posed?

 

I don’t understand

Posted in drama, Family, Uncategorized on March 15, 2017 by La Femme

Why? Why are you full of so much pettiness and hatefulness? I don’t understand. I always assumed better of you, assumed that you were the people I saw in my mind. But as I sit there are watch you bicker and bitch about  it has pushed me over the edge.

One of you says, “But I didn’t go to any of the others.”

To which I say, “It’s hard to go where you’re not invited.”

I’m told that, “that isn’t the point.” Well then what in the ever living fuck is?

The argument that happened recently was between me and her, if we can get over it, so can you.

You pray for peace, but when an olive branch is extended you won’t take it.

I give up on you all.

If I can go, after my marriage disintegrated…. I never got the big wedding, I never will…. if I can go, STAG I WILL REMIND YOU, then you can get your heads out of your asses.

None of us are perfect, and I am sick of the stones, because I know that when I am not there (and often when I am there) there are plenty tossed at me. You bitch because I am fat, and then when I’m on a diet and losing weight you refuse to take that into account when fixing meals. You bitch because I’m broke, but when I try to get a second job you absolutely refuse.

Some days I wish I had stayed, or at least went back, to NC. It may have been a lonely life, but at least it would have been mine.

 

 

To Fall

Posted in Dating, friends, rationality, relationships, Uncategorized on March 6, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes the pain of an unrequited love is the lesser of two evils. While falling for someone that you know can not return those feelings might seem insane, it is (at least to some) less painful than the thought of another failed relationship.

I would rather fall for a good friend, and know that I will always be that than end up with someone who is:

  • an egomaniac
  • abusive
  • manipulative
  • lies
  • cheats
  • is completely indifferent

etc. , etc.

Because it seems that in general, that is usually what I am attracted to.

 

As my good friend Wade told me in college

“Why do you always fall for the assholes?”

I wish I would have listened to him a little then

 

 

The Other Side of That

Posted in Dating, relationships, Uncategorized on February 8, 2017 by La Femme

The other side of that is, of course, that if there is a guy that I love like a brother or just am totally down with being friends with I can almost guarantee you that he is going to want something very different. And apparently guys do NOT like to be put in the “friend zone” (especially if they wanted to be in the “in the pants zone”

SMH

Self-Defense

Posted in Reality, relationships, Uncategorized on February 8, 2017 by La Femme

So I have discovered that I have developed a new self-defense mechanism.

I am super excited.

Or, I would be…. if it didn’t pretty much guarantee me being alone… like forever.

Apparently, I am now only able to be attracted/fall for guys who have no earthly idea I exist on the same planet as the OR they have no romantic interest in me at all.

So good news, I am unlikely to get involved with someone who just wants sex or is a complete Ass

Bad news, I’m unlikely to get involved…. or maybe that’s good new too.