The problem at hand

Nature of problem – Fehu

This rune represents earned income. It represents your career as well as your wealth, status and position. Rune of success and attainment. Drawing this rune indicates that prosperity is coming towards you in some form. (often, but not always regarding money.) This rune announces the arrival of that which you have worked for. You will overcome opposition. Keep with the plan you have already underway. If negative runes surround – conserve what you have.

Likely Cause – Laguz (reversed)

Period of confusion in your life. You may be making wrong decisions and misjudgments that will poorly affect your actions. Lack of creativity and feelings of being in a rut are indicated. This is a bad sign unless surrounded by positive runes. You will be or already were misled by your intuition into something you can’t handle. Temptation to do the wrong thing or to take the easy way out is strong. Get out of any bad situation as fast as you can (unless surrounded by delay runes). Warns there is a woman who will bring trouble (including betrayal or backstabbing) into your life. You will recognize her as someone with neurotic tendencies.

Direction of energy – Eihwaz

Rune of protection. You have set your sights on a reasonable target and can achieve your goals. There may be a slight obstacle, delay or minor problems. But it won’t cause too much trouble so don’t be too eager to move ahead. The obstacle or delay may very well prove beneficial, or it won’t turn out too big. Look at the runes surrounding Eihwaz to determine if there is an obstacle and what it might involve. You should try to anticipate problems that may arise. Be flexible, work with change. Use your imagination and turn any situation to your advantage. Sometimes this rune is an indication that problems from your past that were not dealt with effectively will be returning. Though it hints at delays, Eihwaz is a positive rune.

Likely result – Hagalaz

This is the rune of unexpected disruptions. It indicates limitations and delays. Drawing this rune tells you that the forces at work in your situation are outside of your control. However, further down the line, you may see a reason for these limitations. You may be considering a risk of some sort, paired with Fehu shows eventual success but only after much effort on your part. If any of the surrounding runes are cast reversed you should avoid any risk or gamble. Sometimes it means that your future is in the hands of someone else, this is not usually someone you are familiar with. Perhaps an official of some sort. The advice of this rune is do not start anything new now.

You’re so beautiful

How do you ever trust again when every word was a lie?

When you discover that ever word uttered to you was being uttered elsewhere…

I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. She says

But at home, alone, in the shower…

She cries

She cries because she hurts

She cries because she feels like it is her fault

She is angry

At him, but mostly herself

Angry because she hoped

Angry because even now part of her wants to apologize

Angry because she held on for so ling when she knew

Somewhere she knew

He would never love her.

Never be for her what she needed.

But now she knows… it is her, not him, that is broken.

Her that needs to be made whole

4 rune of the day…. well shit

Nature of the problem – Berkana reversed

• Domestic troubles.

• Anxiety about someone close to you.

• Not really a negative rune unless the whole reading is.

Likely cause – Eihwaz

• Sights on a reasonable target and can achieve your goals.

• There may be a slight obstacle, delay or minor problems. But it won’t cause too much trouble so don’t be too eager to move ahead.

• The obstacle or delay may very well prove beneficial, or it won’t turn out too big.

• You should try to anticipate problems that may arise.

• Be flexible, work with change. Use your imagination and turn any situation to your advantage.

• Tie to the past. It can mean that you will hear from someone from your past. Sometimes this rune is an indication that problems from your past that were not dealt with effectively will be returning.

Direction energy is flowing – Fehu reversed

• Represents loss of esteem, or something that you put in effort to keep.

• It indicates some sort of failure.

• Delay or obstacle. There may be problems with your finances or your emotions now.

• Lack of fulfillment, possibly sexual frustration.

• Think carefully how your actions will affect your future.

• There may be female health problems and weight gain.

• Loss or a disappointment is shown if you continue on in the same manner.

• Put yourself on a budget and abandon any plans as they might hurt you financially or otherwise.

Likely result – Perthro

• mystery, hidden things, secrets. Something that has remained hidden is about to come to light.

• Perhaps there will be a disclosure of some secret.

• Unexpected gains and surprises.

• In emotional matters, indicates extreme sexual compatibility.

Runes of the day

My Fault

Breathe in… breathe out

Then I realize.. it was always my fault.

My fault for loving.

Loving the ones who could not love you back

Loving them in the first place.

Clear back to Ol Blue, through JonEA, to their father, to him.

People can only hurt me if I let them in, only if I love them

 

STOP LOVING THEM!

Like Leeloo

I feel like Leeloo.

Not that I’m a hot as hell, supreme being, bad ass. Although I would say that I am fierce, strong, not always great at English… LOL

I would die to protect life.

I would die to protect love.

But how do we protect something that we do not know.

I am strong. I am fierce. But without love, I will falter. I am not strong enough on my own to survive the ultimate battle.

Leeloo says: ” I don’t know love. I was built to protect not to love, so there is no use for me other than this.”

In this life is there truly no other use for me than to protect my children? Maybe.

Maybe.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me.”  https://open.spotify.com/track/2KVwlelhxKUy8LVV6JypH3

 

Really

This thing on?  Even when I pose a question I all I get is crickets. My ex used to laugh, because I knew how many reads I had, and maybe I should just never look at the stats. But it’s nice to know that people are actually out there… somewhere. You can comment though, I don’t bite… usually.

 

I have started rehearsals for our third run of Rocky Horror and I am trying to finish up my Summer II classes. I shouldn’t have taken both of these classes. My special topics class isn’t bad, but this Design Management class is probably going to kill me. I AM NOT BUSINESS MINDED…. LIKE AT ALL. And my professor was supposed to email and help me 3 days ago and I still haven’t heard anything. 😦

Also, this song is all the things I would like to say

“But I know that it’s my emotions going in for the kill.”

I have been a little gun-shy about writing here. The truth is… I hurt someone who I love dearly with this little, inconsequential blog. So now I’m scared. Scared to write. Scared to express all the stuff I keep stuffed inside. Because I don’t want to hurt people with my words.

Listening to Halsey’s Now or Never today I got to thinking of the one and only time I have made that statement (at least in the context in which she means).  It was in college, but not with someone from college. The answer, it turns out, was never. But that song got me thinking… is that really ever a question/statement that needs to be posed?

 

I don’t understand

Why? Why are you full of so much pettiness and hatefulness? I don’t understand. I always assumed better of you, assumed that you were the people I saw in my mind. But as I sit there are watch you bicker and bitch about  it has pushed me over the edge.

One of you says, “But I didn’t go to any of the others.”

To which I say, “It’s hard to go where you’re not invited.”

I’m told that, “that isn’t the point.” Well then what in the ever living fuck is?

The argument that happened recently was between me and her, if we can get over it, so can you.

You pray for peace, but when an olive branch is extended you won’t take it.

I give up on you all.

If I can go, after my marriage disintegrated…. I never got the big wedding, I never will…. if I can go, STAG I WILL REMIND YOU, then you can get your heads out of your asses.

None of us are perfect, and I am sick of the stones, because I know that when I am not there (and often when I am there) there are plenty tossed at me. You bitch because I am fat, and then when I’m on a diet and losing weight you refuse to take that into account when fixing meals. You bitch because I’m broke, but when I try to get a second job you absolutely refuse.

Some days I wish I had stayed, or at least went back, to NC. It may have been a lonely life, but at least it would have been mine.

 

 

To Fall

Sometimes the pain of an unrequited love is the lesser of two evils. While falling for someone that you know can not return those feelings might seem insane, it is (at least to some) less painful than the thought of another failed relationship.

I would rather fall for a good friend, and know that I will always be that than end up with someone who is:

• an egomaniac
• abusive
• manipulative
• lies
• cheats
• is completely indifferent

etc. , etc.

Because it seems that in general, that is usually what I am attracted to.

 

As my good friend Wade told me in college

“Why do you always fall for the assholes?”

I wish I would have listened to him a little then