Archive for the letting go Category

Settle a debate

Posted in letting go, Love, relationships, self discovery on August 9, 2017 by La Femme

My friend and I have been having a conversation and I need you, my loyal readers, to help us settle it.

The query is:

“When you are in love with someone, especially if they do not reciprocate, when do you know it is time to let go?”

 

I am of the “love them beyond the point of reason” camp

My friend says “if they don’t appreciate what they have, let it go.”

What say you? (also, I wish I knew how to put a poll on here since no one seems to know how to comment. LOL)

The Magic is Gone (Language warning)

Posted in Dating, decisions, letting go, Lies, people, relationships, self discovery, truth on May 1, 2017 by La Femme

WARNING – IF YOU RESPOND TO THIS WITH “LOVE YOURSELF” OR “FOCUS ON YOUR GIRLS” I WILL FUCKING THROAT PUNCH YOU…. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

One day, you will wake up and realize that there is no such thing. There is no magic. There is no “Love.” There is no forever. The best you can hope for is someone that you can cohabitate with without killing them. There is no person like that for me. Hell I can barely live with myself.

Over the past month I have spent too much time at the bar. And it’s great. And hooking up with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a few years is excellent… until you realize that it and you mean nothing. Not because of him, but because of you. Because what at first was a confidence boost you now realize that had nothing to due with you. But was a by product of entirely too much alcohol.

There are 2 groups of guys out there. The ones who have friend zoned you, and the ones that want to have sex with you. Out of the 2, keep the friends because you can always fuck yourself.

And I do. It is always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I don’t know why.

The sooner I wake up and realize that there is no one to love me. There is no magic. Stars are burning balls of gas that died long ago.  The heart is just a muscle.

Get hard. Get real. Wake up.

 

 

Discomfort – WARNING – TRIGGERING SUBJECT MATTER

Posted in amends, Body issues, Depression, letting go, people, relationships, truth on April 18, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes I write about things that make people very uncomfortable. Recently I wrote a poem and I’m pretty sure it freaked some people out…. including the person that it was written about. I allow myself to retain toxic connections because I am afraid that if I don’t have those, I will not have any connections at all.

Is it better to have someone who loves you dangerously, or no one at all?

 

 

The Dream

 

I had that dream again last night,

the one that you really want to cast off as a nightmare.

But you can’t, because even waking you can remember that night.

Glaring detail make you have to remind yourself to breathe.

That night right before you left for college,

back in mid 2000.

You and your long time boyfriend headed back from the movies.

You stop at the lake to talk because summer is coming to an end.

He knows you’re leaving.

This time talking isn’t enough.

This time he’s going to get what he wants.

Closing in on two decades later and you can still feel the terror,

why?

People say you should let it go, forget it, bury it.

That moment has defined so much of me.

The truth is I laid down in the road after,

praying for a coal or log truck.

The truth is, I ended up comforting him.

The truth is, I have never been the same.

We accept the love we think we deserve

Posted in decisions, letting go, people, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on April 13, 2017 by La Femme

I am starting to feel this truth in a very deep way. I feel like I let myself get hung up on unachievable because I felt like I didn’t deserve real. But when you close a door, sometimes you realize that the darkness was coming from the other side.

There are real people around you. People who genuinely like you, who care. But ypu have been blinded by your stubbornness.

I wish I could say that I would never again fall into the trap, but I  won’t say that.

I can say that for the first time in ages, I looked around and let myself truly see the people who are near me.

Some need to go. Some need to stay. And some I would like to know better.

For now, there is music

Don’t be a snowflake.

Posted in friends, letting go, people, RAGE on April 12, 2017 by La Femme

Let me just say….this is NOT political. But this IS personal.

This blog, is for me. I could give 2 flying…..  what your opinion of it or me is.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it. But there is a reason I don’t put names in my posts. You don’t know shit is about you unless:

  1. You know that it’s you because you did it
  2. You asked me and I told you.

I suggest you unfollow me, because I am finally starting to see why you always say you don’t have many friends.

I have enemies that treat me with more respect.

Take your finger off the Self Destruct Button!

Posted in Body issues, Dating, decisions, Depression, letting go, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on April 12, 2017 by La Femme

Ok. You’re marriage failed because your ex couldn’t keep it in his pants. You survived.

You now are a single mom to two beautiful insanity makers and work in a job that doesn’t cover your bills. You’re surviving.

DO NOT LET ONE UNINTERESTED DOUCHE BAG MAKE YOU REACH FOR THE SELF DESTRUCT.

Ok. Maybe “douche bag” is a little strong. He didn’t ask you to like him. That was all you. He was nice to you. He was there to talk to in some of your darkest moments. Yes, you’re the same age. Yes, you have a ton in common. But let’s be real. There was never really any interest.

And now you find out from a good friend, “girl don’t even worry about him, he’s always out with college girls.” So apparently I’m not even in his age range.

But just because you don’t think that you’re going to be loved, doesn’t mean you should sell yourself short. It doesn’t mean that you settle for unbridled lust. It doesn’t mean that you get to let yourself act like those 22-year-olds.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the decisions that I’ve made, I am just worried about letting myself fall into a physically and emotionally destructive pattern of behavior. The problem being, there is no one there who really cares to catch me before I land in a broken pile at the bottom. So… this is my message to myself

Catch yourself.

Take your finger off of the self destruct button.

Let loving yourself be enough.

Remember that your worth is not based on whether anyone else loves you.

Remember that regardless of how you feel, you have two people that need you to be safe and in one piece.

 

Electro Shock Therapy

Posted in Dating, letting go, Reality, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on March 31, 2017 by La Femme

“The club isn’t the best to find a lover, so the bar is where I go.”

I have got to stop letting one oblivious person having so much influence on my happiness.

Don’t cry over spilled milk, you can’t put it back in the glass. And you can’t make someone have feelings for you that aren’t there.

So I think I’m going to enlist my own Big Bang squad to help me come up with a new invention.

I want to create a small electrode that sends a shock when you think about something specific. I think this would have a great many applications, but for me…..

I want one that every time I think about someone in a non-platonic way, it shocks me. I figure I’ll either end up in the hospital from being electrocuted every 30 seconds or I will eventually give up on the whole stupid idea.

There are nice guys out there. Guys who might actually be interested  (though let’s be honest, probably not), but me in my infinite wisdom won’t let go of the one person who is not interested in the least.

Either he doesn’t care or he literally is the most oblivious man I have ever met in my life.

He is a good friend.

Let it be.

Let it go.