Archive for the friends Category

My oh me

Posted in friends, humor, Love, relationships on September 19, 2017 by La Femme

I hate when I try to be funny… tongue-in-cheek if you will… and I epic fail.

Any post – blog, facebook, IG, etc. – are never indicative of everything I am thinking or feeling. They are simply a snapshot of a mood or thought in that moment.

Usually, especially with my blog, it is something that is on my mind that I need to put down in order to process it completely

Like earlier…

I didn’t literally mean that I wanted someone to spend the night with me.

I didn’t literally mean that I didn’t understand parts of why I am not in a relationship.

I am not stupid, I do know that there may be people interested that I am oblivious to.

I also know that there are people that are interested that I am trepidatious of getting into anything with for a variety of reasons.

There is also my whole second post if you missed it… LOL

It meant that I have friends that I am happy for, but I don’t know how they managed to find their perfect match…

was it at the library? the coffee shop? the mall? a concert? the bar?

How did you know? Was it instant, like the big bang? Or more like evolution?




Don’t be a snowflake.

Posted in friends, letting go, people, RAGE on April 12, 2017 by La Femme

Let me just say….this is NOT political. But this IS personal.

This blog, is for me. I could give 2 flying…..  what your opinion of it or me is.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it. But there is a reason I don’t put names in my posts. You don’t know shit is about you unless:

  1. You know that it’s you because you did it
  2. You asked me and I told you.

I suggest you unfollow me, because I am finally starting to see why you always say you don’t have many friends.

I have enemies that treat me with more respect.

Walk Away

Posted in friends, Humanity, letting go, relationships on March 27, 2017 by La Femme

Could you walk away.

Could you walk away from someone you feel like you a heartbeat away from falling for?


I can’t. Even knowing that it will never happen, never be. I can’t. The thought of walking away completely makes me not be able to breathe.

I used to think he knew. I don’t think that anymore.

I really think that he is completely clueless about how I feel.

That is probably for the best.

I would gather the pictures and burn them to purge my soul of this need, but there is nothing to burn. He is a ghost in my life.


All I want is someone who gets me, all sides of me, and still wants to be near me. Someone who isn’t afraid of me, or themselves. Someone who wants me, but also has their own shit to handle.

I am perfectly imperfect. I do not NEED someone. But life is better when shared.



To Fall

Posted in Dating, friends, rationality, relationships, Uncategorized on March 6, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes the pain of an unrequited love is the lesser of two evils. While falling for someone that you know can not return those feelings might seem insane, it is (at least to some) less painful than the thought of another failed relationship.

I would rather fall for a good friend, and know that I will always be that than end up with someone who is:

  • an egomaniac
  • abusive
  • manipulative
  • lies
  • cheats
  • is completely indifferent

etc. , etc.

Because it seems that in general, that is usually what I am attracted to.


As my good friend Wade told me in college

“Why do you always fall for the assholes?”

I wish I would have listened to him a little then



Just joshing

Posted in Dating, decisions, friends, rationality, Reality, relationships, resolutions, self discovery, self-esteem, Single Mom, truth on February 17, 2017 by La Femme

So last night I had a good conversation with an old friend and I finally was able to put into words a little of what I want…. and as I told my friend:

It took me a hell of long time to figure it out, I am unlikely to comprise now.

So basically what I said was:

Not perfect, because it doesn’t exist. But someone who gets me, who wants me to be me. Someone who will make me laugh til I cry and someone with whom I can cry until I laugh. Someone who thinks I am sexy even when I am a hot mess. Someone who can love my vanilla life, and still respect that there is part of me that wants more at times. Someone who doesn’t lie, doesn’t cheat, knows that gifts aren’t love but will still send me flowers on fucking valentine’s day.
But also I want someone that I am both friends with and that I am passionately attracted to.
I realized during this conversation that I have walked away from people that I love because I know that they do not want the same things.
I guess I have always wanted the devoted husband, the family, etc.  
What I have ended up with is a house that is falling apart but has great potential
A body that is not what it used to be but that is amazing to me because it created 2 stubborn, beautiful girls.
The sad truth is, I will probably never find what I’m looking for because now it’s not just me. It is me plus my 2 girls and that is a lot of burden to take on. But it’s ok. I have learned to be ok by myself.

I’m on my way.

Posted in Family, friends, relationships on May 13, 2016 by La Femme

There are very few people in this world who, if they phone rang at this moment and they said “I need you,” that I wouldn’t hesitate to say “where?” They are not the people that I once thought they would be…

Talon is no longer one

But OB is

2 are from high school (both male)

5 are from college (4 female, a fact that all in itself is shocking)

my kids

my other family… I don’t know…

My grandparents and mom, certainly….( even though I’m not sure that favor would always be returned)

I don’t even talk to many of these on a daily basis, but they matter enough to me that I would go… what does that say about them? What does that say about me?


Walk with me

Posted in Depression, Family, friends, relationships, self-esteem on May 1, 2016 by La Femme

I have let one person in since the whole thing with my ex started… one male person, that is … one person close enough to spend time with.  He called an abrupt halt to it a few hours after he kissed me the first time… maybe I had bad breathe. I talk to other guy friends, but I haven’t let anyone else close enough to hurt me…I am not sure that I ever will.
The relationships I had directly before my marriage were toxic:
An ex from college who was a head case
An ex from college that only wanted to do it in the back of a Volkswagon
A guy who I caught cheating
A guy who was significantly older than I was, was married, and only wanted sex

I think that hits the high points…

Before that my relationship history is riddled with guys who where:
Ashamed of me
Only wanted me for my body
Mentally damaged  (from real or perceived emotional trauma)

I can’t imagine what a normal relationship is like.

These people that are still with their hogh school sweethearts, I just don’t get. My high school sweet heart was a scared ass, who when we were dating in college was too afraid to tell his mom we were together.
And the one from my Senior year in HS decided that what I had to give was his to take simply because we were dating.

People say, “there are people out there who love you.” No theres not, hell my own family barely tolerates me. The only reason I was so “well loved” as a child was because everyone thought I was going to die at any moment.

Hell my family loves to talk shot about me, and has since I was in high school… how do I know? Because my mom used to cry and some of the things they said to her about me… Because there are people in this family that love sharing “dirty little secrets” especially if they hurt.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and they all say “I told you so.”