Archive for the relationships Category

My oh me

Posted in friends, humor, Love, relationships on September 19, 2017 by La Femme

I hate when I try to be funny… tongue-in-cheek if you will… and I epic fail.

Any post – blog, facebook, IG, etc. – are never indicative of everything I am thinking or feeling. They are simply a snapshot of a mood or thought in that moment.

Usually, especially with my blog, it is something that is on my mind that I need to put down in order to process it completely

Like earlier…

I didn’t literally mean that I wanted someone to spend the night with me.

I didn’t literally mean that I didn’t understand parts of why I am not in a relationship.

I am not stupid, I do know that there may be people interested that I am oblivious to.

I also know that there are people that are interested that I am trepidatious of getting into anything with for a variety of reasons.

There is also my whole second post if you missed it… LOL

It meant that I have friends that I am happy for, but I don’t know how they managed to find their perfect match…

was it at the library? the coffee shop? the mall? a concert? the bar?

How did you know? Was it instant, like the big bang? Or more like evolution?

 

 

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A Valid Question

Posted in Love, relationships, truth on September 19, 2017 by La Femme

A friend posed a valid response to my last post…. that in order to find a relationship I have to be open  to one.

I understand this point of view.

The problem is that I have kept a secret fire burning for someone for the better part of 2 years. But recently I have had to wonder if it is to protect myself. If I have allowed myself to want this one particular person because I know that they will never want me back. That maybe I have nurtured those feelings because I know the hurt will be manageable.

Not to say that there are not genuine feelings, but that I have been reluctant to walk away from them.

That I have tethered myself to someone that will never hurt me because they will never love me.

I have told myself that the reason that I haven’t given up is because I know that he does care… somewhere in there… that one day he will wake up and be like “what have I been doing?” But maybe it’s me that will wake up and be like “WTF?!”

Have I been missing an entire world by giving my heart to someone who doesn’t even know they have it?

 

Marriage – A little humor, a little truth

Posted in Dating, Divorce, Love, relationships on September 19, 2017 by La Femme

So over the past few weekends several people I know have gotten married, and I am truly so happy for all of them and hope that they find bliss

BUT there is a part of me that is like “WTF?!” Some of these people have been divorced not much longer than I have… How have they already found someone that wants to spend their life with them?! I haven’t even found someone that wants to spend the night with me!

Then I look around and see some single moms that have never found anyone…. years and years after their divorces and I am starting to think that I am more likely to end up the crazy cat lady than the happily ever afters.

Some would say it’s because I want it too much, which I don’t think is true, but that’s because only I know how I feel on the inside.

Some would say that it is because I am hard to love. This is probably closer to the truth. I am dramatic, dynamic, loud, quiet, emotional, cold, active, a home body, a free spirit, very traditional….. and sometimes I am all of these (and so many more) all at once.

I feel things deeply. I fall without thinking of the consequences. I trust. There are times I cry and don’t know why. I want held. I want left alone. I want to play video games. I want to go on a 4 hour geocaching adventure, with the dogs, even though I know it’s a bad idea.

So to all my recently married/remarried friends I truly wish you the best… but what is your secret?

Settle a debate

Posted in letting go, Love, relationships, self discovery on August 9, 2017 by La Femme

My friend and I have been having a conversation and I need you, my loyal readers, to help us settle it.

The query is:

“When you are in love with someone, especially if they do not reciprocate, when do you know it is time to let go?”

 

I am of the “love them beyond the point of reason” camp

My friend says “if they don’t appreciate what they have, let it go.”

What say you? (also, I wish I knew how to put a poll on here since no one seems to know how to comment. LOL)

“But I know that it’s my emotions going in for the kill.”

Posted in amends, Reality, relationships, Uncategorized on July 18, 2017 by La Femme

I have been a little gun-shy about writing here. The truth is… I hurt someone who I love dearly with this little, inconsequential blog. So now I’m scared. Scared to write. Scared to express all the stuff I keep stuffed inside. Because I don’t want to hurt people with my words.

Listening to Halsey’s Now or Never today I got to thinking of the one and only time I have made that statement (at least in the context in which she means).  It was in college, but not with someone from college. The answer, it turns out, was never. But that song got me thinking… is that really ever a question/statement that needs to be posed?

 

Beware the intense need… and the mixed metaphors

Posted in attraction, relationships, self discovery, truth on June 27, 2017 by La Femme

Once upon a time, over a decade ago, I compared someone’s kissed to that of a person dying of thirst.  It was the only thing I could think of… or that it was like someone who had been lost at sea.

The deep powerful need of it scared me a little, to be perfectly honest. Being kissed like that… was powerful. The situation was complicated to say the least and the need was not really for me, but for connection. For genuine connection and affection.

At the time I thought it was crazy but after being set adrift in my own sea, I can understand it a little. The power of a need to both set you on fire and drown you.

Need is a dangerous thing. We like to act like need, want, and desire are clear entities but can you cleanly see where they end and begin at all times? If you can, you are doing better that I am.

Want

 

Need

 

Desire

 

Want to turn right

NEED to turn left

Desire sucks

34 is sneaking up, I’ve learned Love is a lie

Posted in Children, Dating, Divorce, infidelity, Lies, Love, Marriage, rationality, relationships, self-esteem, truth on June 16, 2017 by La Femme

NOTE: To all my still married friends, the is not an indictment of your relationship. It is simply saying that I don’t believe it is lasting because it was “pre-ordained,” but because you work you asses off for it

“Because all healing has to start with you.”

I am tired of buying the lie that Disney sold me as a child so that I would demand all the princess merchandise. There is no Prince Charming. There is no “One Person” that is meant for me.

There is no such thing as Happily Ever After

All you can do is love those you love with all of yourself, but don’t ever expect them to love you the same way, because that is not how it works

The older I get (sooner rather than later 😦 ) the more I realize that marriage isn’t about love. It’s not about romance. It’s about finding someone to navigate with and the propagate the species with. That’s why it was invented. That’s it.

My ex told me the other day that it’s my fault that we’re divorced. And while there were things that he did that I felt forced my hand, he is correct. I could have, maybe even should have, decided to stick it out. For the girls and for stability. Because the farther out from it I am, the more I realize that he was right… I will never find anyone else willing to put up with me that I’m willing to put up with.

No one is perfect.

There will always be flaws

There will always be fear.

They will:

  • not care
  • have anger issues
  • lie
  • cheat
  • be unhealthy for you

 

That’s life. That is reality.

Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, the most that we can hope for is that just like any drug, with time the effects will wear off.