Archive for the people Category

Really

Posted in people, Reality, Uncategorized on July 20, 2017 by La Femme

This thing on?  Even when I pose a question I all I get is crickets. My ex used to laugh, because I knew how many reads I had, and maybe I should just never look at the stats. But it’s nice to know that people are actually out there… somewhere. You can comment though, I don’t bite… usually.

 

I have started rehearsals for our third run of Rocky Horror and I am trying to finish up my Summer II classes. I shouldn’t have taken both of these classes. My special topics class isn’t bad, but this Design Management class is probably going to kill me. I AM NOT BUSINESS MINDED…. LIKE AT ALL. And my professor was supposed to email and help me 3 days ago and I still haven’t heard anything. 😦

Also, this song is all the things I would like to say

The Magic is Gone (Language warning)

Posted in Dating, decisions, letting go, Lies, people, relationships, self discovery, truth on May 1, 2017 by La Femme

WARNING – IF YOU RESPOND TO THIS WITH “LOVE YOURSELF” OR “FOCUS ON YOUR GIRLS” I WILL FUCKING THROAT PUNCH YOU…. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

One day, you will wake up and realize that there is no such thing. There is no magic. There is no “Love.” There is no forever. The best you can hope for is someone that you can cohabitate with without killing them. There is no person like that for me. Hell I can barely live with myself.

Over the past month I have spent too much time at the bar. And it’s great. And hooking up with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a few years is excellent… until you realize that it and you mean nothing. Not because of him, but because of you. Because what at first was a confidence boost you now realize that had nothing to due with you. But was a by product of entirely too much alcohol.

There are 2 groups of guys out there. The ones who have friend zoned you, and the ones that want to have sex with you. Out of the 2, keep the friends because you can always fuck yourself.

And I do. It is always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I don’t know why.

The sooner I wake up and realize that there is no one to love me. There is no magic. Stars are burning balls of gas that died long ago.  The heart is just a muscle.

Get hard. Get real. Wake up.

 

 

Discomfort – WARNING – TRIGGERING SUBJECT MATTER

Posted in amends, Body issues, Depression, letting go, people, relationships, truth on April 18, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes I write about things that make people very uncomfortable. Recently I wrote a poem and I’m pretty sure it freaked some people out…. including the person that it was written about. I allow myself to retain toxic connections because I am afraid that if I don’t have those, I will not have any connections at all.

Is it better to have someone who loves you dangerously, or no one at all?

 

 

The Dream

 

I had that dream again last night,

the one that you really want to cast off as a nightmare.

But you can’t, because even waking you can remember that night.

Glaring detail make you have to remind yourself to breathe.

That night right before you left for college,

back in mid 2000.

You and your long time boyfriend headed back from the movies.

You stop at the lake to talk because summer is coming to an end.

He knows you’re leaving.

This time talking isn’t enough.

This time he’s going to get what he wants.

Closing in on two decades later and you can still feel the terror,

why?

People say you should let it go, forget it, bury it.

That moment has defined so much of me.

The truth is I laid down in the road after,

praying for a coal or log truck.

The truth is, I ended up comforting him.

The truth is, I have never been the same.

We accept the love we think we deserve

Posted in decisions, letting go, people, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on April 13, 2017 by La Femme

I am starting to feel this truth in a very deep way. I feel like I let myself get hung up on unachievable because I felt like I didn’t deserve real. But when you close a door, sometimes you realize that the darkness was coming from the other side.

There are real people around you. People who genuinely like you, who care. But ypu have been blinded by your stubbornness.

I wish I could say that I would never again fall into the trap, but I  won’t say that.

I can say that for the first time in ages, I looked around and let myself truly see the people who are near me.

Some need to go. Some need to stay. And some I would like to know better.

For now, there is music

Don’t be a snowflake.

Posted in friends, letting go, people, RAGE on April 12, 2017 by La Femme

Let me just say….this is NOT political. But this IS personal.

This blog, is for me. I could give 2 flying…..  what your opinion of it or me is.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it. But there is a reason I don’t put names in my posts. You don’t know shit is about you unless:

  1. You know that it’s you because you did it
  2. You asked me and I told you.

I suggest you unfollow me, because I am finally starting to see why you always say you don’t have many friends.

I have enemies that treat me with more respect.

I am

Posted in people, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on March 30, 2017 by La Femme

I

  • am intelligent
  • am talented
  • love easily, deeply, and freely
  • am honest
  • have a sharp wit
  • am well read
  • am cultured
  • love music
  • write
  • am trying
  • have lost weight
  • love flowers
  • am affectionate
  • am a good mom
  • work hard
  • play hard
  • love travel
  • am free spirited
  • am pretty
  • am stubborn
  • don’t laugh much
  • am excruciatingly hard on myself
  • am graceful
  • am clumsy
  • perfectly contradictory
  • deserve love
  • deserve respect
  • deserve someone who knows what they have
  • do not need a relationship
  • want a companion
  • like kissing
  • like holding hands
  • don’t like to let go of something special
  • need to learn to let it go
  • am a mistress of the stage

 

I am everything above and so much more.

I do not want to change me for you to love me.

I will not be other than myself

If you do not like it, you can show yourself out.

Loving yourself is great, but…

Posted in people, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on September 16, 2016 by La Femme

There are just some things it doesn’t cover. I have developed a great love for myself, and I know what people say about “not needing a relationship” “blah blah blah” but let me explain to you some of the things that having a love affair with yourself does NOT cover.

  1. Really great, late into the night conversations with someone who knows you well. Someone you can disagree with and still end up laughing. And that no topic is out of bounds
  2. I’m just going to say it. Sex. Great, emotionally charged, sex. There is no point in being shy and beating around the bush about it. Most people (yes even the ones who refuse to acknowledge it) really enjoy sex.
  3. Cuddling. Yes my animals and body pillow are great. But they still don’t take the place of waking up tangled up with someone who doesn’t care if your hair looks like you stuck a fork in a socket over night.
  4. Someone to vent to about my day. My cats are getting sick of hearing it, and the language that is sometimes useful is not child friendly.
  5. A helping hand, partner in crime, someone who always has your back

 

So yes, I understand that I need to be ok with myself, and I am. I am even ok BY myself

But let’s be honest… humans (for the most part) were not intended to be solitary creatures.