Archive for the self discovery Category

Like Leeloo

Posted in Love, self discovery, Uncategorized on September 14, 2017 by La Femme

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I feel like Leeloo.

Not that I’m a hot as hell, supreme being, bad ass. Although I would say that I am fierce, strong, not always great at English… LOL

I would die to protect life.

I would die to protect love.

But how do we protect something that we do not know.

I am strong. I am fierce. But without love, I will falter. I am not strong enough on my own to survive the ultimate battle.

Leeloo says: ” I don’t know love. I was built to protect not to love, so there is no use for me other than this.”

In this life is there truly no other use for me than to protect my children? Maybe.

Maybe.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me.”  https://open.spotify.com/track/2KVwlelhxKUy8LVV6JypH3

 

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Settle a debate

Posted in letting go, Love, relationships, self discovery on August 9, 2017 by La Femme

My friend and I have been having a conversation and I need you, my loyal readers, to help us settle it.

The query is:

“When you are in love with someone, especially if they do not reciprocate, when do you know it is time to let go?”

 

I am of the “love them beyond the point of reason” camp

My friend says “if they don’t appreciate what they have, let it go.”

What say you? (also, I wish I knew how to put a poll on here since no one seems to know how to comment. LOL)

precious resource

Posted in Dating, Love, self discovery on August 8, 2017 by La Femme

The problem with being a person who gives it all when they love is that if  you don’t have someone that gives their all back, you can very quickly end up very empty.

It takes a long time to find enough of yourself to start filling the void, and it is taking me even longer to realize that I am a precious resource.

 

 

 

This is me

Posted in Body issues, self discovery, self-esteem, truth on August 4, 2017 by La Femme

I :

  • am a hot mess
  • am over weight
  • am emotional
  • get moody
  • get suspicious when something good happens, but still I
  • am too trusting, and
  • tend to leap before I look
  • will give my life for the people I love
  • am sick of myself some days
  • am a gamer
  • love football
  • dance when the mood hits me where ever that may be
  • love to travel
  • talk to much
  • drool when I sleep
  • talk in my sleep
  • am whiny when I am sick, tired, or sad
  • am not a good housekeeper
  • do not always make good choices
  • if treated right,  will love you like no other
  • if hurt, will be a thing of nightmares
  • am a musician
  • an 80’s kid
  • a 90’s girl
  • do not laugh much
  • cry too much

I am a hot mess wrapped in an over weight wrapper that loves too deeply, feels too deeply and even though there are days when I am sick of myself, I am who I am.

 

 

Timid

Posted in self discovery, self-esteem on July 27, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes I sit on the edge and watch the water when I want to dive in.

Sometimes I dive in without noticing there is no water.

Why am I so timid?

Why do I feel like the rabbit caught in the brambles, eyes darting, heart racing… unsure whether the hand is coming in to set me free or for the kill.

Why am I so willing to give and so afraid to take?

 

 

 

Beware the intense need… and the mixed metaphors

Posted in attraction, relationships, self discovery, truth on June 27, 2017 by La Femme

Once upon a time, over a decade ago, I compared someone’s kissed to that of a person dying of thirst.  It was the only thing I could think of… or that it was like someone who had been lost at sea.

The deep powerful need of it scared me a little, to be perfectly honest. Being kissed like that… was powerful. The situation was complicated to say the least and the need was not really for me, but for connection. For genuine connection and affection.

At the time I thought it was crazy but after being set adrift in my own sea, I can understand it a little. The power of a need to both set you on fire and drown you.

Need is a dangerous thing. We like to act like need, want, and desire are clear entities but can you cleanly see where they end and begin at all times? If you can, you are doing better that I am.

Want

 

Need

 

Desire

 

Want to turn right

NEED to turn left

Desire sucks

The Magic is Gone (Language warning)

Posted in Dating, decisions, letting go, Lies, people, relationships, self discovery, truth on May 1, 2017 by La Femme

WARNING – IF YOU RESPOND TO THIS WITH “LOVE YOURSELF” OR “FOCUS ON YOUR GIRLS” I WILL FUCKING THROAT PUNCH YOU…. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

One day, you will wake up and realize that there is no such thing. There is no magic. There is no “Love.” There is no forever. The best you can hope for is someone that you can cohabitate with without killing them. There is no person like that for me. Hell I can barely live with myself.

Over the past month I have spent too much time at the bar. And it’s great. And hooking up with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a few years is excellent… until you realize that it and you mean nothing. Not because of him, but because of you. Because what at first was a confidence boost you now realize that had nothing to due with you. But was a by product of entirely too much alcohol.

There are 2 groups of guys out there. The ones who have friend zoned you, and the ones that want to have sex with you. Out of the 2, keep the friends because you can always fuck yourself.

And I do. It is always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I don’t know why.

The sooner I wake up and realize that there is no one to love me. There is no magic. Stars are burning balls of gas that died long ago.  The heart is just a muscle.

Get hard. Get real. Wake up.