Archive for the rationality Category

34 is sneaking up, I’ve learned Love is a lie

Posted in Children, Dating, Divorce, infidelity, Lies, Love, Marriage, rationality, relationships, self-esteem, truth on June 16, 2017 by La Femme

NOTE: To all my still married friends, the is not an indictment of your relationship. It is simply saying that I don’t believe it is lasting because it was “pre-ordained,” but because you work you asses off for it

“Because all healing has to start with you.”

I am tired of buying the lie that Disney sold me as a child so that I would demand all the princess merchandise. There is no Prince Charming. There is no “One Person” that is meant for me.

There is no such thing as Happily Ever After

All you can do is love those you love with all of yourself, but don’t ever expect them to love you the same way, because that is not how it works

The older I get (sooner rather than later 😦 ) the more I realize that marriage isn’t about love. It’s not about romance. It’s about finding someone to navigate with and the propagate the species with. That’s why it was invented. That’s it.

My ex told me the other day that it’s my fault that we’re divorced. And while there were things that he did that I felt forced my hand, he is correct. I could have, maybe even should have, decided to stick it out. For the girls and for stability. Because the farther out from it I am, the more I realize that he was right… I will never find anyone else willing to put up with me that I’m willing to put up with.

No one is perfect.

There will always be flaws

There will always be fear.

They will:

  • not care
  • have anger issues
  • lie
  • cheat
  • be unhealthy for you

 

That’s life. That is reality.

Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, the most that we can hope for is that just like any drug, with time the effects will wear off.

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To Fall

Posted in Dating, friends, rationality, relationships, Uncategorized on March 6, 2017 by La Femme

Sometimes the pain of an unrequited love is the lesser of two evils. While falling for someone that you know can not return those feelings might seem insane, it is (at least to some) less painful than the thought of another failed relationship.

I would rather fall for a good friend, and know that I will always be that than end up with someone who is:

  • an egomaniac
  • abusive
  • manipulative
  • lies
  • cheats
  • is completely indifferent

etc. , etc.

Because it seems that in general, that is usually what I am attracted to.

 

As my good friend Wade told me in college

“Why do you always fall for the assholes?”

I wish I would have listened to him a little then

 

 

Just joshing

Posted in Dating, decisions, friends, rationality, Reality, relationships, resolutions, self discovery, self-esteem, Single Mom, truth on February 17, 2017 by La Femme

So last night I had a good conversation with an old friend and I finally was able to put into words a little of what I want…. and as I told my friend:

It took me a hell of long time to figure it out, I am unlikely to comprise now.

So basically what I said was:

Not perfect, because it doesn’t exist. But someone who gets me, who wants me to be me. Someone who will make me laugh til I cry and someone with whom I can cry until I laugh. Someone who thinks I am sexy even when I am a hot mess. Someone who can love my vanilla life, and still respect that there is part of me that wants more at times. Someone who doesn’t lie, doesn’t cheat, knows that gifts aren’t love but will still send me flowers on fucking valentine’s day.
But also I want someone that I am both friends with and that I am passionately attracted to.
I realized during this conversation that I have walked away from people that I love because I know that they do not want the same things.
I guess I have always wanted the devoted husband, the family, etc.  
What I have ended up with is a house that is falling apart but has great potential
A body that is not what it used to be but that is amazing to me because it created 2 stubborn, beautiful girls.
The sad truth is, I will probably never find what I’m looking for because now it’s not just me. It is me plus my 2 girls and that is a lot of burden to take on. But it’s ok. I have learned to be ok by myself.

To find peace in the Struggle

Posted in Dating, decisions, Divorce, letting go, rationality, Reality, relationships, self-esteem, Single Mom on July 7, 2016 by La Femme

I found today that I don’t believe in second chances at love.

I think for people with children, women especially, it is unlikely. No offense meant to the single dads out there, but more often the mother ends up with the majority of custody. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I also acknowledge that it takes my chances of finding a relationship down to approximately 0. Why? Because I am going to be so much more cautious about people who will have the power to influence my children.

If you lie….at all…. forget it

If you’re ashamed to admit you’re spending time with me…. nope

If you can’t even pay your own bills….. hell no

You’re close-mind and preach hatred…see ya

You often and repeatedly say you wouldn’t be a good parent…. sorry

You’re pushy, needy, demanding, or temperamental….. No

You want in my pants right away…. ain’t nobody got time for that

The truth is, I am picky. It isn’t me, it’s you. I will not be made to feel guilty because I have “unreasonably” high standards. Just because I’m single and talk about wishing there was a good guy out there doesn’t mean that that is you.

 

I have to find peace in the struggle of being me. To find peace in what happened.

To find peace in the loss of my marriage and all that that means

 

I used to push people away when things got too “real” because I was afraid of getting stuck here in this place. Now I’m stuck here, and a single mom to 2 miracles. Maybe we get what we deserve, in that case… my girls deserve the best possible situation that I can give them.

 

Now I just have to figure out what that means

 

I won’t fear Love

Dear Trump Supporters, I get it

Posted in people, politics, rationality, Uncategorized on May 13, 2016 by La Femme

I’m not being antagonizing, or ironic… I really do get it. You’re upset, you’re disenfranchised, and you’re scared. You are everything that I, as a Sanders supporter am, except you have fallen victim to your fear. I don’t blame you. I don’t think that you’re “stupid” or any of the many terms that people sling at you. I think you’re scared. I think that Trump has done a wonderful job of convincing people of who is to “blame” for their problems… it’s a smart campaign move. Sanders has also shown his supporters who is to “blame” but the difference is, his is fact based. Numbers based. Not fear and racially based. Not praying on the fear that has been not-so-slowly building over the past 15 years.

So I want you to know… I understand.

But the Islamic faith is not to blame for our economic problems. Corporations (like Trump) that farm jobs out to foreign countries to save themselves money are. Corporations where the CEOs make more annually than 90% of their work force combined, are to blame. Politicians who promise to do the will of their voters and instead do the will of the companies lining their pockets are. The EPA didn’t kill coal, the market did. People just do not rely on coal like they used to, we can’t change that. The “Federal Government” didn’t take away our rights, we spoon fed them to them in our fear and hatred of anything that is “other.” I’m not saying that the fear wasn’t real… we, as a nation, watched live as those towers fell and those lives were lost. We’ve watched all the shootings, chaos, and violence since. But do not be swayed by the dark side. We have to be better than what they accuse us of. We have to be strong enough to rise above, to seek the light, and to love our neighbor.

Rage

A rock and a hard place

Posted in infidelity, rationality, Reality, relationships with tags , on May 13, 2016 by La Femme

So 6 months out from the divorce and i have found myself in an entertaining conundrum…
I have had relatively few relationships in my life, and even fewer of those were in my “adult” life.
The longest of those of course was with my husband.
I have just now… 6 months out of the divorce and about a year out of finding out….started running into her and her family around town. The last time, I didn’t even flinch. But he won’t meet me for breakfast anymore because he’s afraid of running into her. That tells me alot.
So I was thinking this morning and have reached the conclusion that:
I am not sure I can ever be with him again, and I am not sure that I know how to be without him.

What do I do with that? How do I live with that?

I am not sure that I can survive getting to know someone again… not now, not with everything else in my life, not with my girls. 

Another school shooting…. NO! Gun Control is NOT the issue!? :/

Posted in gun control, politics, rationality with tags , , , on January 23, 2014 by La Femme

So my question to the masses is this:

How many shootings at schools, malls, theaters, etc. do we have to have before we as a country can have a serious conversation about the issue?

It is absolutely PATHETIC that we have become so desensitized to the fact that there was a shooting at a school that we’re like, “Oh? Where at this time?” What happens when it’s at a school where someone you love is at? What then? Are you still going to say, “Guns are NOT the issue?”

And while I am grateful for those “Hero Teachers” there should never be a need for a teacher to talk a 12-year-old out of shooting up their school.

I will be the first to admit that Guns are not the ONLY issue, but lets face it… they ARE part of the problem.

Until we, as a “civilization” can put our ridiculous, self-righteous need to be right aside and have an honest conversation about it I’m afraid that it is just going to get worse, and that terrifies me. I have too many family members that work in the schools, I have children who will one day be in the schools….

Why can we not fix this?!