Archive for the people Category

Find Someone

Posted in letting go, motivation, people, Uncategorized on September 1, 2016 by La Femme

Find someone who asks for the truth, then actually wants to hear it.

Find someone who’s true colors are a genuine reflection of who they appear to be.

Find someone who isn’t afraid of your hard dark spots.

Find someone who will embrace your darkness, and provide a candle.

Find someone who doesn’t take your actions for granted.

Find someone who is not afraid of themselves.

 

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A long wait

Posted in Dating, people, self discovery, Uncategorized on September 1, 2016 by La Femme

It has occurred to me that perhaps I am in for a long wait, that perhaps people like me are only given a finite amount of chances at happiness.

Don’t mistake me, I still think the divorce was the right choice. But I wonder, what does it say about me that someone who knew me so well, and had been with me that long thought it was less hassle to get a girlfriend than deal with me? Don’t get me wrong, he would have most likely stayed married to me. Held my hair back when I got sick, helped take care of the house and the girls, etc etc. But that would have been a terrible cost.

But maybe that compromise is the best that I could have hoped for. Looking around me I realize that while it took him 8+ years to realize I wasn’t worth it, most people don’t need that long.

So I will wait….and now I know that that wait will never end

kind, compassionate, honest, faithful, passionate, intelligent, caring men that want to hold your hand, hug you, chase your crazy girls, laugh with you, know that you are special and don’t ever want to lose that do not come around in this life.

I am SURE that someone, probably someone that has never been married, let alone divorced. Doesn’t have kids. And has no idea about my life, will feel the need to comment about how I should just make my whole life my kids. But they are, and will always be. I just wish that at the end of all that, when they are grown and gone, that there would still be something for me.

 

It is Ok

Posted in amends, decisions, Humanity, letting go, people, relationships, Uncategorized on July 25, 2016 by La Femme

It is ok for you:

  • To be hurt
  • To cry
  • To be angry
  • To let go
  • To forgive
  • To be happy
  • To be alone
  • To try again
  • To fall for someone
  • To fall for no one
  • To do what is best for you
  • To use your brain
  • To use your heart
  • To listen to your quiet voice
  • To want someone
  • To want to be left alone
  • To reach out
  • To withdraw
  • To be yourself
  • To allow yourself happiness, whatever that means for you
  • To not be scared
  • To be scared shitless

 

I am not you, you are not me. You can not know what is in my heart, and I can not know the whole of yours. Be free. Allow yourself to heal.

Allow yourself to be happy.

Dear Trump Supporters, I get it

Posted in people, politics, rationality, Uncategorized on May 13, 2016 by La Femme

I’m not being antagonizing, or ironic… I really do get it. You’re upset, you’re disenfranchised, and you’re scared. You are everything that I, as a Sanders supporter am, except you have fallen victim to your fear. I don’t blame you. I don’t think that you’re “stupid” or any of the many terms that people sling at you. I think you’re scared. I think that Trump has done a wonderful job of convincing people of who is to “blame” for their problems… it’s a smart campaign move. Sanders has also shown his supporters who is to “blame” but the difference is, his is fact based. Numbers based. Not fear and racially based. Not praying on the fear that has been not-so-slowly building over the past 15 years.

So I want you to know… I understand.

But the Islamic faith is not to blame for our economic problems. Corporations (like Trump) that farm jobs out to foreign countries to save themselves money are. Corporations where the CEOs make more annually than 90% of their work force combined, are to blame. Politicians who promise to do the will of their voters and instead do the will of the companies lining their pockets are. The EPA didn’t kill coal, the market did. People just do not rely on coal like they used to, we can’t change that. The “Federal Government” didn’t take away our rights, we spoon fed them to them in our fear and hatred of anything that is “other.” I’m not saying that the fear wasn’t real… we, as a nation, watched live as those towers fell and those lives were lost. We’ve watched all the shootings, chaos, and violence since. But do not be swayed by the dark side. We have to be better than what they accuse us of. We have to be strong enough to rise above, to seek the light, and to love our neighbor.

Rage

This thing on…

Posted in affairs, drama, infidelity, letting go, people, truth on May 3, 2016 by La Femme

I guess people read this, I’m not always sure…
You all should be proud of my restraint, I managed to NOT end up in jail on Sunday and it took effort.

There is a restaurant in town that I like to eat at, even though it is a popular spot in a small town. I knew there was a higher than average chance of running into her family there but the food is so good (homemade) and cheap. Their breakfast is my favorite  and I have been going every weekend for over a month with no incident. I have actually seen her in close proximity  since…before I found all the pictures I guess…
I went on Sunday like always, a little later because I had been awake until after 3am…

When I walked in I took a seat at the bar, my usual seat was taken. There was a large group in the back, but for the most part the place was fairly chill.

Just about the time I got my food I saw her…. with her boyfriend that she got like a month after she made sure my life fell apart…. walking toward the cash register.

She had seen me, she was distraught and her boy toy was rubbing her shoulders comfortingly… I wonder if he knows that she fucked my husband in my home, in my bed, 5 houses away from my parents’ house…

I wonder if she’s sold herself the story that she’s the victim so hard, that even she is starting to believe it.

But riddle me this… One of the large complaints of my ex is that he felt like he wasn’t represented in the house (even though when asked he NEVER gave input) so HOW could she be in MY house where all my worldly possessions were, all my girls stuff was, and have no clue that the girls and I still lived there? She couldn’t have… there is no way. So stop trying to sell her as a poor clueless victim. She is guilty…. not solely, but she is responsible. She was told, several times, once even my me, all she did was talk shit about me…

I managed to only let my anger out in tears.

But I would rather have her hatred than her pity, because I’m not sure I could have kept myself from beating her with something if she had looked at me with pity… but she does owe me an apology for being the slut that assisted in ruining my marriage, and for all the shit she talked about me.

 

 

Faith

Posted in people, relationships, self discovery, truth on May 1, 2016 by La Femme

I am glad that there are people who have such unending faith. I am glad that they feel that it helps them heal.
I do not have that. I have unending questions…
Why he would make my Mom’s life so difficult?
Why he put a heart breaking love of singing in a body and then break it’s voice?
Why would he give a heart full of love, forgiveness, hope…only to have it broken, betrayed, and tortured again and again?

I am so, truly, glad for the people that have those answers…i don’t.

On the Outside of In

Posted in decisions, friends, people on March 4, 2016 by La Femme

It’s been a little while… I’m sorry

I went on a long weekend with my girlfriends.

It served to be both beneficial and to depress me.

I love my friends, don’t misunderstand. And I was glad (and a little surprised) that everyone actually came.

We came up with this amazing plan, which honestly I helped develop, that we could all go together this summer to find a big house and do a family trip. Then I realized that I don’t fit into that plan. Everyone is talking about bringing their kids, their spouses (significant others)…. I have my kids, and they love the beach, but they were talking about how many rooms each group would need, and I’m like….. just 1. Just me and my girls and we can share. I don’t fit. I’m the 9th wheel. The very idea that I had put forth so gleefully came around to bite me.

I will never fit in again…. maybe I never fit in to start with.