Archive for the Lies Category

Biological Witchcraft

Posted in Lies, logic, Love on September 12, 2017 by La Femme

Thoughts for the day

“romantic love” is a trick of biology to ensure the continuation of the species.

Since I have already fulfilled my biological imperative and procreated, I am of the assertion that this particular biological function can go F*** itself. The only possible purpose it could serve at this point is that of trickery:

Meaning that it serves to trick a lonely soul into believing that they still serve any other purpose than ensuring the survival of the next generation.

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34 is sneaking up, I’ve learned Love is a lie

Posted in Children, Dating, Divorce, infidelity, Lies, Love, Marriage, rationality, relationships, self-esteem, truth on June 16, 2017 by La Femme

NOTE: To all my still married friends, the is not an indictment of your relationship. It is simply saying that I don’t believe it is lasting because it was “pre-ordained,” but because you work you asses off for it

“Because all healing has to start with you.”

I am tired of buying the lie that Disney sold me as a child so that I would demand all the princess merchandise. There is no Prince Charming. There is no “One Person” that is meant for me.

There is no such thing as Happily Ever After

All you can do is love those you love with all of yourself, but don’t ever expect them to love you the same way, because that is not how it works

The older I get (sooner rather than later ūüė¶ ) the more I realize that marriage isn’t about love. It’s not about romance. It’s about finding someone to navigate with and the propagate the species with. That’s why it was invented. That’s it.

My ex told me the other day that it’s my fault that we’re divorced. And while there were things that he did that I felt forced my hand, he is correct. I could have, maybe even should have, decided to stick it out. For the girls and for stability. Because the farther out from it I am, the more I realize that he was right… I will never find anyone else willing to put up with me that I’m willing to put up with.

No one is perfect.

There will always be flaws

There will always be fear.

They will:

  • not care
  • have anger issues
  • lie
  • cheat
  • be unhealthy for you

 

That’s life. That is reality.

Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, the most that we can hope for is that just like any drug, with time the effects will wear off.

The Magic is Gone (Language warning)

Posted in Dating, decisions, letting go, Lies, people, relationships, self discovery, truth on May 1, 2017 by La Femme

WARNING – IF YOU RESPOND TO THIS WITH “LOVE YOURSELF” OR “FOCUS ON YOUR GIRLS” I WILL FUCKING THROAT PUNCH YOU…. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

One day, you will wake up and realize that there is no such thing. There is no magic. There is no “Love.” There is no forever. The best you can hope for is someone that you can cohabitate with without killing them. There is no person like that for me. Hell I can barely live with myself.

Over the past month I have spent too much time at the bar. And it’s great. And hooking up with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a few years is excellent… until you realize that it and you mean nothing. Not because of him, but because of you. Because what at first was a confidence boost you now realize that had nothing to due with you. But was a by product of entirely too much alcohol.

There are 2 groups of guys out there. The ones who have friend zoned you, and the ones that want to have sex with you. Out of the 2, keep the friends because you can always fuck yourself.

And I do. It is always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I don’t know why.

The sooner I wake up and realize that there is no one to love me. There is no magic. Stars are burning balls of gas that died long ago.  The heart is just a muscle.

Get hard. Get real. Wake up.

 

 

Dear Ex-Husband

Posted in decisions, Divorce, infidelity, letting go, Lies, Reality, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth, Uncategorized on June 17, 2016 by La Femme

You mentioned the other day that I had seemed more hateful than usual. You’re right, I have been. It has been just over a year since I found out that what I though was a fling was a serious on going relationship. Just over a year since I found the pictures of her in our bed, and the pictures and emails that you had sent to the other women. All the hateful words you said about me. And it has taken me this long to realize that you are good.

You are good with people…. not good TO them, but you know how to read them and twist them.

I am an easy mark, because you know that I want to believe that you can change. Because you know me so well, you don’t even have to think to hit¬†my soft targets are.

You are not physically abusive, despite all the emails about spanking your girlfriend, but you are manipulative. It has taken me a year to realize that you made me feel like this was my fault

You would never let me say a bad word about her, but guess what… until she shows remorse, she is just another slut in my book

You always deflected and said that it was because I made you feel unwanted, unimportant, like you weren’t my priority, etc. But guess what… WE HAVE TWO GIRLS UNDER THE AGE OF 8 WHO NEED PARENTS, I DID NOT NEED YOU TO ACT LIKE A CHILD THAT NEEDS CODDLED.

WANTING YOU TO NOT LET THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE LOOK LIKE A DUMP, IS NOT BEING DEMANDING, IT’S BEING FUCKING RESPONSIBLE.

WANTING THINGS DONE PROPERLY SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO BEHIND YOU AND DO IT AGAIN ISN’T BEING A BITCH, IT IS BEING EFFICIENT.

You say that all of my “issues” caused you to do this, but the first woman you started emailing was over a year before that, and what about the first time you cheated and lied?

What about when you met me?

The truth is, I didn’t “cause” this. Yes, I am imperfect. I am sometimes:

  • demanding
  • bossy
  • bitchy
  • emotional
  • tired
  • impatient
  • messy

But I am human. I am still deserving of love. And even when you were all of those things and more, I didn’t jump into bed with the guy at work you were always so jealous of. I didn’t lie and sneak off on overnight trips with some guy leaving you at home alone.

You don’t lie because of me. You lie because of you. You enjoy the thrill of making someone believe you. You are a sadist, but not in the sexual way… you enjoy the emotional pain. You enjoy twisting someone.

Yes, right now, you have “changed.” Right now, you are in therapy. But don’t think for one second that I believe that you have told that therapist the truth. Don’t think for one second that you any longer have me fooled.

You WILL do it again. Just like you did with your first (oh sorry, I mean second) wife. Just like you did with me, time and time again. The difference is, the next time, it won’t be to me.

Don’t mistake me, this is not what I wanted. But I did not do this, you did. ¬†You created an impossible situation for me. And in doing so, you forced me to become stronger. In that regard I thank you. But after a year (or 8 or 11) I finally see you for what you are, not what you could be.

So, dear ex husband, I think we should get divorced. I think that I need to stop letting you so close, because I know where this road leads, and I am not going there. Not now, not ever. I am better. I deserve better.

You wouldn’t tell our daughters (or at least I hope you wouldn’t) to stay with a man that repeatedly cheated and lied, would you? So why on earth would I give them that example?

No more.

 

 

2+2=3… When something is missing, but you can’t put your finger on it

Posted in affairs, decisions, Divorce, drama, Lies, relationships, truth on March 11, 2016 by La Femme

It’s bad … really bad. I hate fighting, especially with my ex.
But….¬†May I vent?

Of course I can, it’s MY blog
The last few times we’ve been around each other things have just not been adding up.. and if you’ve read ANY of my posts you know that he’s a bit of a habitual liar.

So here’s a run down of recent “scratch my head” moments:

I had a procedure done a week or so ago, and the¬†other day I was having some issues and asked him if he would¬†ask his sister about it (she’s an RN).¬†Well he was at my house that night (yes I know I’ve let him too far in) and said that he hadn’t heard back from her at that point because she had work and then an appointment, then when we were getting the girls to bed (they want someone to snuggle with and its easier with 2 people) his phone went off a few times.¬†So I asked him if he had ever heard from her¬†and he was like “oh that was her a few minutes ago.”¬†Then the very next day I asked him if he had gotten to ask her about the bleeding and he said that he hadn’t talked to her. When I said “you said that was her that texted last night” he was like “oh. uh yeah, but that was¬†bank issues.”

I thought he maybe he would go to the doctor with me for my post-op check (so I would have to be scared AND¬†alone), but he told me that he was headed out of town this morning. When I finally broke down and asked him where he was going because he was being infuriatingly vague, he got shittty, told me it was none of my business and then said he was going to a town 2 hours away¬†(the closest branch of his bank) to deposit the check from the family stuff. Keep in mind that he’s told me for weeks that his other sister has not done anything about finalizing the sale of his mom’s house and then all of a sudden today he has a check that he has to drive to 2 hours¬†to deposit.¬†When I said¬†“you said she¬†hadn’t started that process” he said “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” True enough, but still….

Then he was telling me all about these Newfie puppies and I was like “how did you find out about them?” he was like “One of my employees is getting one.” But why would you tell your manager ALL about this puppy you’re getting (including price) and he know all about what it looks like, etc.
I know that this all sounds probably paranoid, but it just doesn’t…..feel right.
So I told him that I didn’t think that the girls needed to come to his house tonight. Technically he’s supposed to have them EVERY OTHER weekend and he had them last weekend, but I have been nice and tried to let him have them every Friday night if he’s off because he never gets a full weekend (because he refuses to even TRY to work it out with his work schedule).¬†So he goes off on me and says that I am “using them as a weapon just because he ‘pissed me off'”

I tried to explain all this to him and he just got hateful and mean. How am I supposed to take that?

 

So I’m at that moment when you realize that people just don’t change.

The Whole Sordid Tale…

Posted in affairs, decisions, Divorce, Lies with tags , , , on November 11, 2015 by La Femme

So what was I to do? I had images and emails seared into my brain. I literally believe that I went into shock, the closest I can come to describing the physiological reaction is that ¬†and probably should not have been driving. My uncle and grandfather changed my locks, I went to the lawyer. I was mad as hell and every time I felt myself slipping just a little I would break out the images or the emails and remind myself what it was that had broken me. But I couldn’t keep the girls from him, that wasn’t cruel to him, that was cruel to our girls. My family insisted on ONLY supervised visits because they were afraid he would take off with them. I wasn’t afraid of that. But I was afraid of being near him because the truth is… I still loved him. Well It happened. Just like I knew it would.

I had promised the girls a beach trip and no one in my family would go. Michael said that he would go and split costs and we could have separate beds. I said that was fine. We took a long weekend and came back as a family. This was the end of June.

When we came back, we decided to try to work things out. He said that he was in therapy and that he would continue to go. It wasn’t even a month until I found out that he was still lying…. He told me that he was going in for an over night consultation. The hospital that he said he was going to only takes commits. I knew he was lying when he left that night. I followed him. I lost him but then I found his car at Walmart. He has never came clean about where he was that night. I am certain he was with another woman, but god knows which one. I was done. I told him that he needed to stay gone. I went to the lawyer and resumed the paperwork.

The Whole Sordid Tale… Part 3

Posted in affairs, Divorce, Lies with tags , , , , on August 26, 2015 by La Femme

Then what?

What do you do when you haven’t even reached 6 months in your marriage and one of you has lied about pretty much everything and the other has been untrue?

(Oops, I sounded a little too much like the narrator from Rocky Horror there… I’ve been spending too much time at rehearsal.)

Well I’ll tell you what you do.

You buy a house together.

Because buying a house and starting a family would seem like the totally logical next step in a normal marriage. So lets flash forward to October 1¬†of 2008. I was about 5 months pregnant with our first. We went to a Willie Nelson concert because I loved Willie and he was indulging me. He disappeared to the bathroom for a long time before the concert and I say and waited, worried about him. We had a good time. It’s hard to remember that. Then on the way home, my phone rang. It was Pharm. Chick. That is the only thing I remember about her, I don’t remember her name just where she worked and that she had gotten suspicious enough to track me down. She was his mistress. He had told her that we were divorced and that I was pregnant with someone else’s child (sound familiar?). I didn’t believe her at the time of course, he told me that she was just someone that was under investigation at work (he was in loss prevention) and she was trying to cause trouble. She sent me a picture of the two of them. Innocuous until I realized that it was MY CURTAINS in the background. My decorations. She had been in my home… with him. He took off, I don’t know where he went… I was pregnant, almost in premature labor, scared and hurting. I didn’t tell my family. I just begged him to come home. He had been fired for sleeping with her and was without a job, god knows for how long, I didn’t ever find out. That December we had my baby shower at a cabin my family rented when they came down. My grandma almost died, and I almost went into labor when we got into a fight about Michael’s employment status… I still never told them about the affair.

He got a job. We had the baby. Life settled down.

Then in a few years we thought we finally were done with the money he owed his Ex for child support, and she had requested that her new husband be able to adopt their daughter. Michael signed the papers with a heavy heart. Then we got a letter from the state that they were going to take more money because she had requested a few increases over the years and the state hadn’t taken them from him correctly.

He said that he had contacted a lawyer in his home town to help. We waited. My mom called me one day. The lawyer he said that he was working with had died 5 years previous. He had lied, for no reason other that he was upset about the situation. Who does that? My mom and I didn’t speak for over a month… probably closer to 3. If you know me, you know that is scary.

In 2011 we were pregnant again. We had our second daughter in December. Half way through the next year I asked if we could move to my home town.

….To be continued.