Archive for the infidelity Category

34 is sneaking up, I’ve learned Love is a lie

Posted in Children, Dating, Divorce, infidelity, Lies, Love, Marriage, rationality, relationships, self-esteem, truth on June 16, 2017 by La Femme

NOTE: To all my still married friends, the is not an indictment of your relationship. It is simply saying that I don’t believe it is lasting because it was “pre-ordained,” but because you work you asses off for it

“Because all healing has to start with you.”

I am tired of buying the lie that Disney sold me as a child so that I would demand all the princess merchandise. There is no Prince Charming. There is no “One Person” that is meant for me.

There is no such thing as Happily Ever After

All you can do is love those you love with all of yourself, but don’t ever expect them to love you the same way, because that is not how it works

The older I get (sooner rather than later ūüė¶ ) the more I realize that marriage isn’t about love. It’s not about romance. It’s about finding someone to navigate with and the propagate the species with. That’s why it was invented. That’s it.

My ex told me the other day that it’s my fault that we’re divorced. And while there were things that he did that I felt forced my hand, he is correct. I could have, maybe even should have, decided to stick it out. For the girls and for stability. Because the farther out from it I am, the more I realize that he was right… I will never find anyone else willing to put up with me that I’m willing to put up with.

No one is perfect.

There will always be flaws

There will always be fear.

They will:

  • not care
  • have anger issues
  • lie
  • cheat
  • be unhealthy for you

 

That’s life. That is reality.

Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, the most that we can hope for is that just like any drug, with time the effects will wear off.

Dear Ex-Husband

Posted in decisions, Divorce, infidelity, letting go, Lies, Reality, relationships, self discovery, self-esteem, truth, Uncategorized on June 17, 2016 by La Femme

You mentioned the other day that I had seemed more hateful than usual. You’re right, I have been. It has been just over a year since I found out that what I though was a fling was a serious on going relationship. Just over a year since I found the pictures of her in our bed, and the pictures and emails that you had sent to the other women. All the hateful words you said about me. And it has taken me this long to realize that you are good.

You are good with people…. not good TO them, but you know how to read them and twist them.

I am an easy mark, because you know that I want to believe that you can change. Because you know me so well, you don’t even have to think to hit¬†my soft targets are.

You are not physically abusive, despite all the emails about spanking your girlfriend, but you are manipulative. It has taken me a year to realize that you made me feel like this was my fault

You would never let me say a bad word about her, but guess what… until she shows remorse, she is just another slut in my book

You always deflected and said that it was because I made you feel unwanted, unimportant, like you weren’t my priority, etc. But guess what… WE HAVE TWO GIRLS UNDER THE AGE OF 8 WHO NEED PARENTS, I DID NOT NEED YOU TO ACT LIKE A CHILD THAT NEEDS CODDLED.

WANTING YOU TO NOT LET THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE LOOK LIKE A DUMP, IS NOT BEING DEMANDING, IT’S BEING FUCKING RESPONSIBLE.

WANTING THINGS DONE PROPERLY SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO BEHIND YOU AND DO IT AGAIN ISN’T BEING A BITCH, IT IS BEING EFFICIENT.

You say that all of my “issues” caused you to do this, but the first woman you started emailing was over a year before that, and what about the first time you cheated and lied?

What about when you met me?

The truth is, I didn’t “cause” this. Yes, I am imperfect. I am sometimes:

  • demanding
  • bossy
  • bitchy
  • emotional
  • tired
  • impatient
  • messy

But I am human. I am still deserving of love. And even when you were all of those things and more, I didn’t jump into bed with the guy at work you were always so jealous of. I didn’t lie and sneak off on overnight trips with some guy leaving you at home alone.

You don’t lie because of me. You lie because of you. You enjoy the thrill of making someone believe you. You are a sadist, but not in the sexual way… you enjoy the emotional pain. You enjoy twisting someone.

Yes, right now, you have “changed.” Right now, you are in therapy. But don’t think for one second that I believe that you have told that therapist the truth. Don’t think for one second that you any longer have me fooled.

You WILL do it again. Just like you did with your first (oh sorry, I mean second) wife. Just like you did with me, time and time again. The difference is, the next time, it won’t be to me.

Don’t mistake me, this is not what I wanted. But I did not do this, you did. ¬†You created an impossible situation for me. And in doing so, you forced me to become stronger. In that regard I thank you. But after a year (or 8 or 11) I finally see you for what you are, not what you could be.

So, dear ex husband, I think we should get divorced. I think that I need to stop letting you so close, because I know where this road leads, and I am not going there. Not now, not ever. I am better. I deserve better.

You wouldn’t tell our daughters (or at least I hope you wouldn’t) to stay with a man that repeatedly cheated and lied, would you? So why on earth would I give them that example?

No more.

 

 

A rock and a hard place

Posted in infidelity, rationality, Reality, relationships with tags , on May 13, 2016 by La Femme

So 6 months out from the divorce and i have found myself in an entertaining conundrum…
I have had relatively few relationships in my life, and even fewer of those were in my “adult” life.
The longest of those of course was with my husband.
I have just now… 6 months out of the divorce and about a year out of finding out….started running into her and her family around town. The last time, I didn’t even flinch. But he won’t meet me for breakfast anymore because he’s afraid of running into her. That tells me alot.
So I was thinking this morning and have reached the conclusion that:
I am not sure I can ever be with him again, and I am not sure that I know how to be without him.

What do I do with that? How do I live with that?

I am not sure that I can survive getting to know someone again… not now, not with everything else in my life, not with my girls. 

This thing on…

Posted in affairs, drama, infidelity, letting go, people, truth on May 3, 2016 by La Femme

I guess people read this, I’m not always sure…
You all should be proud of my restraint, I managed to NOT end up in jail on Sunday and it took effort.

There is a restaurant in town that I like to eat at, even though it is a popular spot in a small town. I knew there was a higher than average chance of running into her family there but the food is so good (homemade) and cheap. Their breakfast is my favorite¬† and I have been going every weekend for over a month with no incident. I have actually seen her in close proximity¬† since…before I found all the pictures I guess…
I went on Sunday like always, a little later because I had been awake until after 3am…

When I walked in I took a seat at the bar, my usual seat was taken. There was a large group in the back, but for the most part the place was fairly chill.

Just about the time I got my food I saw her…. with her boyfriend that she got like a month after she made sure my life fell apart…. walking toward the cash register.

She had seen me, she was distraught and her boy toy was rubbing her shoulders comfortingly… I wonder if he knows that she fucked my husband in my home, in my bed, 5 houses away from my parents’ house…

I wonder if she’s sold herself the story that she’s the victim so hard, that even she is starting to believe it.

But riddle me this… One of the large complaints of my ex is that he felt like he wasn’t represented in the house (even though when asked he NEVER gave input) so HOW could she be in MY house where all my worldly possessions were, all my girls stuff was, and have no clue that the girls and I still lived there? She couldn’t have… there is no way. So stop trying to sell her as a poor clueless victim. She is guilty…. not solely, but she is responsible. She was told, several times, once even my me, all she did was talk shit about me…

I managed to only let my anger out in tears.

But I would rather have her hatred than her pity, because I’m not sure I could have kept myself from beating her with something if she had looked at me with pity… but she does owe me an apology for being the slut that assisted in ruining my marriage, and for all the shit she talked about me.

 

 

An affair

Posted in affairs, Divorce, infidelity with tags , , , on August 24, 2015 by La Femme

An affair can be life altering. And while temptation is part of being human, a vow is a vow.

The truth is though, when he accused me several months ago of being sexually attracted to someone else, he wasn’t wrong. The difference was that I was not, nor will I ever sleep with that person. Or even let them know that I’m attracted to them. I made a promise nearly 8 years ago to be faithful, and while no one is perfect I have spent the great majority of that time trying to uphold that promise.

Here is something I wrote in response the pain

Blonde, but not the true kind… the mousey dirty brown kind.

Pert tits and buck teeth staring up at me from the screen.

She is sprawled on the back drop of MY bed; the one that I have had since high school, that had been my solice, my haven.

Now, I want to burn it.

From the sheets I bought him for father’s day last year clear down the the headboard she was bound to.

My tits sag to remind me of the poor comparison and my cesarean scar suddenly itches. Yes, I may be a poor body comparison, but at least I can close my lips over my teeth.

That was cruel.

I can no longer care.

I found the picture of her naked ass that I caught a glimpse of on my husband’s phone some months ago. He tried to say it was me but wouldn’t let me see it to know…the lack of ink would have been telling.

I crave the limnist’s sharp tang.

Something sharp and dark to forever trap my pain.