A long wait

It has occurred to me that perhaps I am in for a long wait, that perhaps people like me are only given a finite amount of chances at happiness.

Don’t mistake me, I still think the divorce was the right choice. But I wonder, what does it say about me that someone who knew me so well, and had been with me that long thought it was less hassle to get a girlfriend than deal with me? Don’t get me wrong, he would have most likely stayed married to me. Held my hair back when I got sick, helped take care of the house and the girls, etc etc. But that would have been a terrible cost.

But maybe that compromise is the best that I could have hoped for. Looking around me I realize that while it took him 8+ years to realize I wasn’t worth it, most people don’t need that long.

So I will wait….and now I know that that wait will never end

kind, compassionate, honest, faithful, passionate, intelligent, caring men that want to hold your hand, hug you, chase your crazy girls, laugh with you, know that you are special and don’t ever want to lose that do not come around in this life.

I am SURE that someone, probably someone that has never been married, let alone divorced. Doesn’t have kids. And has no idea about my life, will feel the need to comment about how I should just make my whole life my kids. But they are, and will always be. I just wish that at the end of all that, when they are grown and gone, that there would still be something for me.

 

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