The power of “God Loves You”

This should be extremely comforting, right? Hearing those words should instill a sense of peace and happiness? But to me, it only breaks my heart. It only makes me hurt so much more. It’s not that I don’t believe so much as I really really want to, and just find that, in faith, I am lacking. I know, personally, people who have been through so much worse in their lives than I have, but for a moment I’m going to talk about me and my experience.

I do not believe that there could be a “loving God” who would make a person such as myself. Who would make a person who loves to sing, and then break her voice. A person who wants to succeed, and then give her such indifference. To give her such wonderful children, and no patience. To give her love, and then make it be a lie.

While having this conversation with a friend who is well versed in church law I made the comment that I wasn’t sure I was meant for a relationship, and their response was, “I’m sorry to say but that could be true. God can be selfish. Some folks He wants all for Himself. You should think about that.”

My visceral response to that was more swearing that I would like to publicly post towards God, but it’s shortened version was “That is really fucked up.”

So maybe that is the root of my issue. Maybe when someone tells me “God loves you,” it breaks me because it implies that no one else can.

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