To find peace in the Struggle

I found today that I don’t believe in second chances at love.

I think for people with children, women especially, it is unlikely. No offense meant to the single dads out there, but more often the mother ends up with the majority of custody. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but I also acknowledge that it takes my chances of finding a relationship down to approximately 0. Why? Because I am going to be so much more cautious about people who will have the power to influence my children.

If you lie….at all…. forget it

If you’re ashamed to admit you’re spending time with me…. nope

If you can’t even pay your own bills….. hell no

You’re close-mind and preach hatred…see ya

You often and repeatedly say you wouldn’t be a good parent…. sorry

You’re pushy, needy, demanding, or temperamental….. No

You want in my pants right away…. ain’t nobody got time for that

The truth is, I am picky. It isn’t me, it’s you. I will not be made to feel guilty because I have “unreasonably” high standards. Just because I’m single and talk about wishing there was a good guy out there doesn’t mean that that is you.

 

I have to find peace in the struggle of being me. To find peace in what happened.

To find peace in the loss of my marriage and all that that means

 

I used to push people away when things got too “real” because I was afraid of getting stuck here in this place. Now I’m stuck here, and a single mom to 2 miracles. Maybe we get what we deserve, in that case… my girls deserve the best possible situation that I can give them.

 

Now I just have to figure out what that means

 

I won’t fear Love

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