Dear Ex-Husband

You mentioned the other day that I had seemed more hateful than usual. You’re right, I have been. It has been just over a year since I found out that what I though was a fling was a serious on going relationship. Just over a year since I found the pictures of her in our bed, and the pictures and emails that you had sent to the other women. All the hateful words you said about me. And it has taken me this long to realize that you are good.

You are good with people…. not good TO them, but you know how to read them and twist them.

I am an easy mark, because you know that I want to believe that you can change. Because you know me so well, you don’t even have to think to hit my soft targets are.

You are not physically abusive, despite all the emails about spanking your girlfriend, but you are manipulative. It has taken me a year to realize that you made me feel like this was my fault

You would never let me say a bad word about her, but guess what… until she shows remorse, she is just another slut in my book

You always deflected and said that it was because I made you feel unwanted, unimportant, like you weren’t my priority, etc. But guess what… WE HAVE TWO GIRLS UNDER THE AGE OF 8 WHO NEED PARENTS, I DID NOT NEED YOU TO ACT LIKE A CHILD THAT NEEDS CODDLED.

WANTING YOU TO NOT LET THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE LOOK LIKE A DUMP, IS NOT BEING DEMANDING, IT’S BEING FUCKING RESPONSIBLE.

WANTING THINGS DONE PROPERLY SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO BEHIND YOU AND DO IT AGAIN ISN’T BEING A BITCH, IT IS BEING EFFICIENT.

You say that all of my “issues” caused you to do this, but the first woman you started emailing was over a year before that, and what about the first time you cheated and lied?

What about when you met me?

The truth is, I didn’t “cause” this. Yes, I am imperfect. I am sometimes:

  • demanding
  • bossy
  • bitchy
  • emotional
  • tired
  • impatient
  • messy

But I am human. I am still deserving of love. And even when you were all of those things and more, I didn’t jump into bed with the guy at work you were always so jealous of. I didn’t lie and sneak off on overnight trips with some guy leaving you at home alone.

You don’t lie because of me. You lie because of you. You enjoy the thrill of making someone believe you. You are a sadist, but not in the sexual way… you enjoy the emotional pain. You enjoy twisting someone.

Yes, right now, you have “changed.” Right now, you are in therapy. But don’t think for one second that I believe that you have told that therapist the truth. Don’t think for one second that you any longer have me fooled.

You WILL do it again. Just like you did with your first (oh sorry, I mean second) wife. Just like you did with me, time and time again. The difference is, the next time, it won’t be to me.

Don’t mistake me, this is not what I wanted. But I did not do this, you did.  You created an impossible situation for me. And in doing so, you forced me to become stronger. In that regard I thank you. But after a year (or 8 or 11) I finally see you for what you are, not what you could be.

So, dear ex husband, I think we should get divorced. I think that I need to stop letting you so close, because I know where this road leads, and I am not going there. Not now, not ever. I am better. I deserve better.

You wouldn’t tell our daughters (or at least I hope you wouldn’t) to stay with a man that repeatedly cheated and lied, would you? So why on earth would I give them that example?

No more.

 

 

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