Alone

Maybe it’s better to be truly alone, than to be with a person/people that do not know or understand you. Or maybe it’s better to be with a person who understands you, but isn’t always the best.

I have had a shitty (pun INTENDED) week and it has made me look very hard at my world.

I lost a friend as an indirect result of a heated debate, and while I know that rationally he doesn’t blame me for the tragedy that struck while he and I were conversing, there is part of me that looks at the vehemence with which he struck out at me afterwards and thinks that he must believe that it is my fault.

I have very few friends, I really can’t afford to lose any, but it seems to be the one thing I am truly good at… screwing up.

I feel like I have not only screwed up my life, but the lives of my 2 little ones. I wanted to move back home so they could have a childhood like mine… surrounded by family. Instead I gave them the single mom part of it as well.

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