Men – Expectations VS Reality

I think that my Dad (the man that in all ways save biology is my father, that was with me my whole childhood) ruined my expectations of men during snow storms, and make me wonder how I am from my mother. … When I was little we lived in the “holler” and you had to cross the very large hill, I think I called it a mountain then, to get down into where we were. He had a Camaro (I think. It had a T-Top. Mom hated it.) ANYWAY…. He could never make it over the hill when it was snowy, but I can remember that more often than not, he would come walking over the hill with a pizza he picked up in town and flowers for my mom. I always thought that was the most romantic thing ever… of course she always complained about the waste of money flowers are (hence why I wonder sometimes how I came from her).

The reality is, I’m not a damsel in distress. No one is coming to save me from this tower that I made for myself.

There have always been 2 sides of me going to war. The romantic who always wanted the home, and the family, and blah blah blah. The romantic that believes in flowers for no reason, notes left in lunchboxes, stolen kisses, holding hands, picnics and watching the clouds by the lake….   And then there is the other side, my mother, the one that whispers that I am wasting potential and intelligence. The one who thinks it’s my fault that cancer hasn’t been cured yet because the answer is probably in my brain but I was too lazy to become something that mattered.

Well it doesn’t matter any more. I made my choice. It got me a broken heart, but it was still the choice I made.

So if you are reading this, and I choose to offer my time to you in any form, know how fucking special that is. Because I am the primary caregiver for the only 2 chances I have left to get something right… I am maid, chef, butler, chauffeur, referee, peace keeper, enforcer, jailer, absolver, nurse, tutor, moral compass (god help them), fairy princess (yeah it’s a stretch), witch, wookie (not as much of a stretch), pillow, bed time story, sweet dream kisses, middle of the night checks, and so much more.

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