Things a divorce teaches you.

Being a good partner is hard, in the best of cases, but in the worst of cases it can be self-esteem suicide.

WARNING: I am going to make a statement that you will not agree with

Being in a relationship does not mean that you are never going to be sexually attracted to another person. It simply means that you value your partner more than you need that experience.

For example… within the last year I took a road trip to see a show, where I bumped into an old friend with whom there was… unfinished business… for lack of a more PC way to put it. I’m not going to bother lying, I was very attracted to him still, but even though my marriage was rocky (little did I know HOW rocky) at the time, at the end of the show I still gave him a very chaste hug and bid him farewell, knowing that I might never see him again. There was not a lack of want, but a higher want and need to respect my relationship. But when I got home, I got accused of doing much more.

Why is it in today’s world people find it so acceptable to cheat? Is it because technology has made it so easy? Because we can be laying in bed next to our spouse and be texting nasty things to our “other”?  Or have we just became the ultimate “disposable” society? Do we believe that everything is ultimately replaceable?

I would say that people no longer attempt to make meaningful connections with no technology based entities. Our partners are more attached to their phones than to the relationships between us.

People look at me and assume that since my husband cheated, it must be my fault. I must have done something incorrectly to make him go that far. And I was definitely NOT a perfect wife, but I always put our family first. I always asked him about his day, his job, his friend (who it turns out was much more), and all I got were accusations. Maybe they are right to question, maybe it does mean that there is something intrinsically wrong with me. But what? Do I trust too easily? Do I care too deeply? Do I refuse to see the evil in people? Maybe it’s because I had not taken care of my body, and no longer had the form of a 22-year-old athlete. I hadn’t gotten things fixed that should have been because to me, they were less important than being at home with my family.

What infidelity ultimately says is not about the other person in the relationship, it is about the heart of the relationship itself. Infidelity means that that person did not care enough about the relationship to make it a priority. The relationship was not a higher want or need than satisfying their sexual appetite.

So the next time you look at me, and start to wonder what I did wrong… look closer at your own lives. Are you relationship your highest want and need?

 

 

 

 

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