Marriage, Kids, Divorce – Part 1

Yesterday I was reading a very poignant article about C-Sections and the stigma that we assign to them.

The article is at the link below and is completely worth the read, but the part that stuck with me was a quote from a father at the end which reads,

“My wife had both our children via c section,” one father wrote. “She tries to hide it and wishes it wasn’t there because it’s a scar but every time I see I think about how she’s the best mom I could’ve wanted for my children.”

That quote bounced around in my head all night, and finally the reality of my divorce sunk in… No one will ever look at my scar and say that, because the children that I bore are not theirs.

As women, alright… as humans, we have a lot of hang ups about our bodies. But no one more so than mothers. Up to very recently I had finally gotten comfortable with my mom body… I wore it like a badge of honor; “Hell YEAH I have a scar, and stretch marks, and other issues! I grew 2 humans, what the hell did you do?” But apparently a great deal of that was due to the fact that the only person besides myself that ever saw me naked was the other person that helped me create those 2 humans. Now…

Now I’m getting divorced. Now my marriage of almost 8 years has do be broken down into meaningless numbers of who took care of what, who owns what, who pays what….

Now what?

Now I don’t want anyone to see me naked…. ever. No one else is going to see that scar and know that it gave life to 2 beautiful kids and feel the same way about that as their father would. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for step-parents to love step-kids, but they will never love them like their own. They will never have been there when your water broke and it was time to go, or when the Dr. kicked them out to prep you for surgery, or when they pulled the baby out and said “IT’S A GIRL!” First tears, first words, first smiles…. So how could they love the shattered remains of my body?

I think if someone would do a study they would find that men in divorces involving kids are much more likely to end up remarried than the women. Part of that is due to the above and part of it I would say is due to the fact that the vast majority of these cases end up with the mother and the primary custody holder. Dating, I’m sure, is much easier as a part-time parent than as a full-time caregiver. That’s not fair, I realize. There are a great many dads I’m sure that are still very involved in their kids lives, but I would say that not many of them are the primary residence for those kids. If you only have the kids 2 nights a week that means you have 2.5 times more nights to have a social life than the other parent. For that other parent, their life is their kids. Those 2 nights “off” are spent cleaning the house, doing laundry, and getting everything ready for the coming week. There is no time to put back the pieces, you just glue it together as best you can and keep on moving.

Part 2 to come.


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